Asking for a Raise: How Self-Worth Impacts Your Income

I’ve only ever asked for a raise once.

I met with my direct report manager and expressed my feelings, and he said he understood where I was coming from, but I'd need to speak to the boss above him to make my case. 

I rehearsed what I would say in my head over and over again. My case was solid.

I was going to say that I’d been given a big promotion in title, but no pay increase to go along with so much more responsibly and accountability.

I was going to say that I was given management responsibly, including hiring and firing, but not management pay.

I was going to say that I had direct-report employees making more $$ from hourly pay than I was being paid salary.

And then I was going to say that I was responsible for creating the bonus structure for an entire department of employees, and motivating them to reach those bonuses…but I had no opportunity to earn any bonus myself.

I wasn’t going to say, but I knew, that I was the lowest paid manager in the company.  

The day of the meeting came and I was crazy nervous. At the designated time we sat down together, and I began laying out my well-rehearsed reasons for being deserving of a pay increase.

Capital N no. I was sent away without even a commitment on when we could revisit the topic in the future.

The logic was solid and I clearly articulated my points that day. And all the while I was laying it out, I felt…like a fraud. Like an incompetent fraud.

The reason I got the NO that day had nothing to do with my logic or presentation, and everything to do with how I felt ON THE INSIDE.

The whole truth about that day is…

• I expected a NO. I got exactly what I expected.
• I felt unqualified and incapable, regardless of results, or having earned the position in the first place. I felt less-than my work peers. My pay (continued to) match my self-image.
• I had multiple business ideas but was too afraid to go for it, so I continued to try to mold myself – a square peg – into the round hole of the company and position I was in. I was knowingly and willingly setting aside my best gifts and talents to try to be more of something I wasn’t, and didn’t want to be.
• I was desperate and frustrated, and felt incompetent and undervalued at the same time. Coming from that place, all my action was frantic and ineffective.

Your desire comes easily once you’re aligned with your desire.

The Outside: how’s your vibe (your energetic state)? Are you focused on what you WANT and not what you DON’T want? Are you focused on what you want, and not your current LACK of what you want? Are you positive your desires are coming? Are you excited and certain, or are you desperate and unsure?

The Inside: how’s your self-image? Do you feel worthy, deserving, capable, and certain? 

The Action: until the first two are aligned with your desire, you won't be able to see the steps you need to take. The actions you need to take will become clear and obvious when a.) you’re an energetic match to your desire, and b.) you have the self-image to support it.

Today I earn more than triple my salary back then, and it continues to increase as I continue to work on my own energetic state and self-image; as I continue to do the work.  

The work isn’t “out there.” It's not about more hours, grinding it out, forcing it into existence, saying it just right, or office politics.

The work is on the inside. The work is YOU. It's about believing you can have it. Knowing it is coming. Knowing you are worthy. Believing you are everything enough.

And then allowing the next obvious thing to happen: it shows up in your reality, NOW. 

Allow it in, sister. Do you see the difference between FORCING and ALLOWING? 

Doesn't ALLOWING it to happen feel so much better than being responsible to FORCE it all to happen? 

Be willing to do the work, and know the work that must be done is always on YOU. 

XX, 
Ali