COVID Closet Tears: Balancing Gratitude and Overwhelm as a Career Mom During the Pandemic

I cried on my closet floor this morning. I said goodbye to my husband again for another week of travel, and then I crumpled to my knees in the closet while tears streamed down. Not because I don’t know what to do next, but because I know exactly what needs to be done. We’ve got to keep moving forward. We’ve all got to keep going.

People keep taking about “embracing the slower pace,” and I keep wondering…WHO is slowing down in all this?! Seems to me that things have started spinning a hell of a lot faster than they were when we could use our hard-fought-for and forged systems and leverage! Things are most assuredly NOT slower in our house, or any other two-career household where our systems and routines have suddenly been stripped from us.

I see you, Career Mom – I see you working harder now than ever before. I see you worrying, and wondering, and working double-time. And I see you thinking this: I know it’s so much better in my country / state / work place / home / then it is in others, so my struggle DOESN’T MATTER.

This is all I want to tell you today: You’re allowed to count your blessings at the same time you honor your struggles. Life is relative. Your struggle to keep your household healthy and moving forward in this COVID-19 world is very, very real. You’re allowed to be pissed, overwhelmed, maxed out or whatever else you feel while you do this. You’re allowed to say that this is really, really, REALLY HARD!

You know what? I’m pissed off that I can’t buy basic sanitation items for my family because so many others decided they needed triple for themselves. I’m overwhelmed thinking about having my kids being home indefinitely, while I’m giving my all to making sure my clients get the same level of service they’ve always received. I’m so frustrated that my husband’s schedule has zero flexibly right now, while I’m home catching all the crap that rolls downhill. I’m disappointed about canceling my son’s birthday party. 

ALSO...

I’m SO thankful to be in the United States of America. I'm blessed beyond measure to have the opportunity to continue working, as is my husband. I’m grateful that we don’t have to decide between keeping our jobs and keeping our kids home. I’m relieved more than I can express that we have the financial resources to keep putting food on the table. I’m glad my kiddo is too young to remember his birthday, anyway. There are no words for the level of gratitude I have for the help we’re receiving at this time – I write this as my dad reads books to my bored 3-year-old.

You get to feel blessed and completely maxed out at the same time. Don’t feel like you’re the only women crying on the closet floor, like you’re the only one wondering how you’re going to make it work, and like your struggle is invalid because someone else’s is bigger.

Hang in there, friend! I feel you, and I know it’s not easy right now. This madness will all end, eventually, and you’ll be so much stronger for having endured. You’ll also be able to buy toilet paper again. 😏