How to leave your 9-to-5— the first step most women miss

If you’re stuck in a 9-to-5 that feels draining, unfulfilling, or out of alignment—but the thought of leaving feels overwhelming or impossible—or if you know you’re capable of more but feel stuck figuring out how to take the leap, this one's for you!

Most women in your shoes fall into one of two general thought camps:

Camp 1: “I need a sophisticated idea and plan, and I can’t make the second because I don’t have the first.”

These women believe they don’t have any special skills or unique ideas they could turn into a successful business, so they can’t make a plan and start one. Maybe this is you?

• You tell yourself, “I’m not creative enough to come up with something different.”
• You assume your skills are too basic or common to stand out.
• You’re convinced that if you can’t find a groundbreaking idea, there’s no point in starting.
• You’re stuck, spinning your wheels, because without a “brilliant idea,” how can you possibly make a plan?

This thought pattern keeps you stuck in research mode, watching other women succeed and thinking, “Must be nice for them, but I’ve got nothing special to offer.”

Camp 2: “I have no idea where to start, so why even bother?”

These women feel completely overwhelmed by the idea of starting because they think not knowing where to start means something is wrong with them. Sound familiar?

• You scroll Instagram, seeing successful business owners, and think, “They have something I don’t.”
• You tell yourself, “I’m not smart / skilled / confident enough to figure this out and do it.”
• You assume there’s some secret playbook everyone else got, and you’re the only one left in the dark.
• You’re frozen, not because you don’t want to start, but because you believe not knowing how is proof you’ll fail.
• You believe starting a business requires something special—like a big idea, perfect timing, or expertise you don’t have.

And so, you stay stuck, watching other women build the life you secretly want, convincing yourself it’s too late, too hard, or just not meant for you.

Here’s the truth: Both thought camps are wrong.

Yes, you’re wrong about this, and that’s great news.

What if I told you the real reason you feel stuck has nothing to do with how capable you are—or aren’t—and everything to do with the programming running in your mind and heart: running you. 

If this is landing for you, stick with me, and I’ll explain a little deeper.

The programming that’s holding you back

The patterns and programming you’re using to create success as an adult are the same ones you created to survive as a kid. And that’s a big deal, when it comes to your results in life.

Why we (all) create survival programming

As kids, we’re like little sponges, constantly absorbing the world around us. And because we don’t yet have the tools or maturity to make sense of complex situations, our brains create shortcuts to keep us safe. And safety, to your brain, isn’t just physical needs, it’s also about emotional ones.

• If you experienced intense or frequent criticism or rejection, you might’ve learned to play small or strive for perfection to avoid being hurt. Safety.
• If love or approval felt conditional, you might’ve developed people-pleasing habits to earn connection. Safety.
• If you grew up in chaos or unpredictability, you might’ve learned to over-control or over-plan to create a sense of stability. Safety.

These patterns served a purpose back then—they helped you navigate your environment and get through tough situations. Safety.

Why they're still running the show

Here’s the kicker: Unless you’ve done the work to consciously rewire or upgrade those old programs, they’re still running in the background, quietly shaping how you show up every single day.

Your brain isn’t designed to make you successful, it’s designed to keep you safe. It loves familiar patterns, even if they’re holding you back. Over time, those patterns become mental shortcuts your brain relies on. It defaults to them automatically, over and over again. Unless (or until) you challenge them, they’ll keep running on autopilot.

Nope, this isn’t just true for some (other) people—it’s true for everyone. That’s just how the brain works.

Why bother with transformational work?

Because your brain is absolutely capable of change (it’s called neuroplasticity—the ability to create new neural pathways and rewire old ones), and transformational work is one powerful way to change it. 

That’s what transformational work—the kind of coaching we do in all of my Unlocked with Ali™ programs—is for:

• It’s not just about feeling better (though it absolutely does).
• It’s about consciously upgrading your programming so you can show up differently and create new levels of success.

Think of it like this: Imagine if your computer or phone were still running the operating systems they had when they first came out. You’ve got today’s modern hardware, but you’re stuck with software from 2007. Frustrating, right? Limiting, no?

That’s exactly what’s happening inside YOU. The operating system you’re running on now was designed for survival in childhood. Transformational work upgrades that system so it’s optimized for the life you want as an adult.

This is why transformational work matters (and works). It’s not just about feeling good—it’s about rewriting the mental programs that are holding you back so you can finally take the steps that lead to real success.

My story: one way programming kept me stuck

Let me give you an example from my own life. As a kid, I developed a program to keep me “safe” in social situations. I unconsciously started creating hierarchies of success, constantly measuring myself against the people around me. Anytime I felt “less than”—which was most of the time—I’d shrink myself to protect myself from potential rejection. (Safety, remember?)

• I’d play small. Never try as hard as I could, not speak up even when I had something to say, pretend not to care, etc. Maybe they can’t reject me if they can’t see me?
• I’d try way too hard to win approval from the "most important" people—AKA anyone I’d decided was above me on the hierarchy I’d created in my mind.
• After most social engagements, I’d obsessively replay every moment on repeat, trying to figure out where I went wrong or how I’d messed it up, and what I should have said/done instead.
• I’d spiral into shame and sadness because I “failed” and felt rejected (even if no one had said or done anything to indicate that). The emotional response was so intense, it strengthened the pattern in my brain, making it even more automatic and powerful the next time. Repeat. Repeat.

I didn’t do any of this on purpose, and I definitely didn’t want to be doing it! It was a program that ran whether I wanted it to or not—whether I even noticed it or not. (I didn’t, not for many years.) It just felt like reality. I felt bad because I believed I should feel bad. 

It wasn’t until I started working with a transformational coach that I became aware of this pattern, and realized it was running in the background 24/7. It was shaping my actions, emotions, beliefs, and so, my results, all without my awareness. That’s how these programs work. They run on autopilot, outside of your conscious understanding, which is exactly why they’re so limiting.

Why did the pattern start in the first place?

Totally transparently, I’m not going to share the nitty-gritty specifics, mostly because they really don’t matter. Yours will be totally different from mine. You don’t need to see my dirty laundry to do yours, you know what I’m sayin’? But generally speaking, like all of us, I had experiences growing up that my brain created patterns and programs to protect me from. And because those patterns and programs worked back then, they became my default.

It wasn’t always an unsuccessful pattern—there’s a reason your brain keeps repeating it.

This pattern worked as a kid. It helped me minimize rejection and navigate environments that felt unsafe. But as an adult? It held me back. HUGE. In what I think are pretty obvious ways. This program was running in every social or professional setting, and it became my “proof” that I wasn’t good enough.

I led me to conclusions like: 

• “They have something you don’t. You don’t belong at that level.”
• “If you try and mess up, everyone will see that you were never good enough to begin with—and you’ll never be able to make up for that.”
• “You’re doing it wrong—there’s something you’re missing that everyone else gets.”

No amount or type of strategy, planning, or research could override that program. The real problem wasn’t that I didn’t have the perfect idea, plan, or strategy, it was that unconscious pattern of playing small. Until I rewired that program, it kept on playing out, and I kept on being stuck.

If any of this sounds familiar, I want you to know something important: You’re not broken, and you’re not doing anything wrong. This isn’t about effort, intelligence, or even your ability to make things happen. It’s about the fact that you can’t create a new reality with old programming.

You can have all the ambition in the world, but if the programs running in the background are keeping you small, stuck, or spinning in self-doubt, no strategy in the world change that. Trust me, I tried. 😅

But here’s the good news: Once you understand what’s been holding you back, the next step is a lot simpler than you think.

The truth about starting: building a business to replace your 9-to-5

You don’t need a grand plan, a big, complicated strategy, or a groundbreaking idea.

All you really need is:

1. A clear offer (product or service) that solves a problem for someone else.
2. A way to sell it to them.
3. A system to deliver it, get paid, and repeat.

That’s it. No 100-page business plan, no perfect Instagram grid, no long list of certifications or accolades. All of that can come later—or not at all. But here’s why most women never get there: It’s not the strategy that’s missing—it’s the belief in themselves.

They think they need to feel confident before they can start. But IRL, confidence doesn’t come first—it comes from starting. Sorry if I’m the one breaking that news to you (or maybe I’m not). Either way, you’ve got to get that confidence comes when you a.) do the internal work, and b.) start. Not before.

If you’re ready to get started, here’s where you can begin:

1. Think about what comes naturally to you. What skills, knowledge, or experiences have people come to you for in the past? It doesn’t have to feel groundbreaking—what feels easy to you is often valuable to someone else. It could be something really basic that you do well, that others don’t like, aren’t good at, or don’t have (or want) time to do.
   What do you enjoy and are good at? (Hint: Your passions are an option, but it can be harder to start there. Sometimes it’s tougher to shape our precious passion into something that solves someone else’s problem than it is to do that with our basic skills. It’s up to you—just know it needs to solve someone else’s problem.)
2. Sketch out a basic offer. What problem does it solve? For who (what type of person, generally)? How will you deliver it? Keep this simple—you can always refine it later. Honestly, simple works best.
3. Start sharing your offer. Think about who might need what you’re offering and start having conversations. You don’t need a big audience to start. Offer it to one person whose problem it solves. Then another. Talk about it on your socials.

If that feels overwhelming, don’t worry—I’ve got you! Later this year (Q1 2025) I’m releasing a guide to help you create your first offer and build a simple, sustainable business plan. Stay tuned!

Ready to take the next step?

If you’re feeling stuck but hungry for change—ready to grow, take action, and finally move toward the life you want—I want to help you make it happen!

Unlocked with Ali™ Foundations is the next step for ambitious women who are ready to ditch the grind and design a business that replaces their 9-to-5 income. This isn’t a cookie-cutter program or quick fix. In Foundations, we’ll combine deep internal work, aligned strategy, and consistent accountability to help you:

• Identify your most profitable skills and turn them into a clear, sellable offer.
• Build the confidence to take bold action and charge for your value.
• Create a personalized, sustainable business model that feels aligned and achievable.

By the end of the 6-month program, you’ll have the clarity, confidence, and strategy to replace your 9-to-5 with a business you love. You can apply here.

But what if you’re not ready to dive in just yet?

If you’re serious about creating the life and business you want but still figuring out what’s holding you back or how to take the leap, I offer a handful of complimentary Breakthrough Clarity Sessions each month.

These sessions aren’t for everyone—you won’t find a link to schedule them on my website. They're for women who are serious about uncovering what’s keeping them stuck and getting clear on their next steps so they can start taking bold, consistent action. 

If that sounds like you, DM me “Clarity” (on Insta - @alirspicer) to see if you’re a fit for one of this month’s spots. These sessions are exclusive because my time is valuable (so is yours, BTW!), so this is truly only for women who are ready to grow, commit, and take bold steps forward.

You’ve got this!

You don’t need a grand plan, and you’re not as stuck as you think. The first step is recognizing what’s been holding you back—and deciding that today is the day you’re going to change it.