How to move past what’s holding you back and finally get unstuck

Hey, you. Yeah, you. Sitting there, feeling like you’re capable of so much more but for some reason always hesitating to make the big moves that could change everything or bring your breakthrough. Maybe you’re daydreaming about leaving your soul-crushing 9-to-5 or asking for the raise that actually matches the value you bring. But then the voices in your head start their usual routine:

“What if you screw this up?”

“Who do you think you are to ask for more?”

“You’re going to make a fool of yourself and everyone will know you’re a joke.”

Meanwhile, you’re scrolling through Instagram, comparing your life to people doing exactly what you wish you were, feeling the sting of “Why not me?” and still standing at the starting line, frustrated and stuck.

I get it. On one hand, you tell yourself it’s just background noise…but on the other, it’s clearly running the show. It’s that tight, suffocating pressure that keeps you stuck in a loop of overthinking and second-guessing, desperately trying to avoid the shame, embarrassment, or falling on your face that you imagine will follow if you go for it. It’s like wearing a coat that’s way too small, squeezing you and holding you back from making any bold moves. It tricks you into thinking you’re staying safe, when really, you’re just staying stuck.

That feeling? It’s called fear of failure, and it’s just like that coworker who loves to throw shade at your big ideas but never brings anything useful to the meeting.

You’re smart, driven, and so over feeling trapped. BUT, the idea of failure still looms, keeping you from even getting started or taking bold steps forward. Here’s the plot twist: Fear of failure isn’t the villain you think it is. It’s more like a cranky personal trainer in your life, pushing you to grow and level up. So how do you deal with it? By changing how you see it and, more importantly, how you react to it. Here’s how to start:

1: Reframe the fear

Let’s talk about those mental gymnastics your mind loves to do. When you think about failure, it’s easy to create this horror movie in your head, where one mistake turns into a never-ending spiral of doom. But here’s the thing: What if that “failure” you’re so terrified of isn’t a catastrophe but a necessary part of your journey to success?

Imagine you tried launching your side hustle, and it flopped. Instead of tormenting yourself with “I should have known better,” or “I’m not cut out for this,” what if you asked, “How could this actually be working for me?” Maybe you gained clarity on what not to do next time or discovered skills you never realized you had. Reframing fear isn’t about pretending it didn’t suck; it’s about seeing it as valuable feedback that moves you closer to your goals.

Try this: Write down one “failure” you’re still holding onto, and then challenge yourself to reframe it. How did that experience make you stronger, smarter, or more prepared for what’s next? Remember, the goal isn’t to erase the pain but to take back your power and see that failure is just a stepping stone.

2: Feel the emotion—then let it go

Okay, I know this one might sound a little woo-woo, but hang with me. You’re afraid to fail because deep down, you’re terrified of feeling emotions like embarrassment, rejection, or not being good enough. So, what do we do? We avoid those feelings like the plague, which only makes them more powerful. But here’s the real secret: If you let yourself fully feel the emotions you’re so scared of, you’ll realize they can’t actually hurt you, and they pass.

Picture the worst-case scenario happening—like, really let yourself go there. Maybe your idea gets laughed at, or you totally botch an important presentation. Let the embarrassment or disappointment wash over you. Feel it in your body. Breathe into it.

And notice: This discomfort is temporary. You’re still here. You’re surviving it. Once you stop resisting the fear and let yourself feel it, it starts to lose its power.

Try this: The next time fear of failure creeps in, don’t push it away. Instead, give yourself a few minutes to feel it fully. Acknowledge it, breathe through it, and remind yourself, “This is uncomfortable, but I can handle it.” Because once you realize that the worst feeling you’re avoiding isn’t as scary as it seems, you’ll be free to take bigger, bolder actions.

3: Avoid a hangover

Every successful person you admire has a highlight reel full of spectacular failures. They didn’t skip the part where things got messy; they learned to see failure differently and used it as fuel to keep going. The confidence you’re waiting for? It comes after you take action, not before. But here’s the most common mistake: Trying to bulldoze over fear without addressing it.

You know, “feel the fear and do it anyway”—but skipping the feeling part. Doing the thing while you’re still shaking in your boots, without first slowing down to address what’s happening internally, can leave you with a massive vulnerability hangover. It’s like skydiving without a parachute and expecting to land gracefully. The result? You might manage to do it once, but then you’re so emotionally wiped out that you can’t show up consistently or powerfully again. Yes, you do need to face your fear to move forward, but you’ve got to slow down first. Feel it. Work with it internally. Then take action, so you can keep showing up over and over, without getting totally blown out emotionally.

If it’s a really powerful fear for you—something that’s been haunting you for years—you’ll likely need to work through it both mentally (number 1 above) and emotionally (number 2 above). (In coaching with my 1:1 clients, we might even dive into somatic work, unconscious patterns, and behavioral shifts, too.) IRL, fear of failure can be BIG, and it deserves more than a quick pep talk, if you want a real shift. Ya know?  

Pick one action you’ve been avoiding, but before you charge ahead, spend time working with your fear. Feel it, breathe through it, and acknowledge it. Then, when you take that step, you’ll be grounded and ready. And if you’re feeling brave, DM me and tell me what you’re working on! I’d love to hear from you.

The only way to conquer fear of failure is to take action—but after you’ve done the internal work. I’m cheering for you!