How Busy Moms Can Keep Intimacy and Connection Alive in Their Marriage: 5 Actionable Tips

One of THE most common struggles I hear from Career Moms: How do we keep intimacy and connection in our marriage…

…when we have 26 hours’ worth of work we’re trying to fit into 24?

…when we have big goals to pursue and zero “free” minutes?"

…when the kids need fed, bathed, played with, read to, and 24/7 attention?!

How do we keep the connection we had before all these other things took over?

Real talk: we've struggled though this at my house. My husband and I know the pain and frustration of waking up one day and realizing you've got a great buddy, but not a marriage. We committed to repairing the damage that was done, and though a whole heap of patience, hard work, and showing up for each other, we eventually built a path to a place that was stronger and more connected than when we began. 💛

If you're no stranger to this struggle, either, please know that you CAN make changes, and you CAN build an even stronger marriage! We've walked that path, and although it's not easy, but it IS possible!

Here are 🖐️ tips for Career Moms struggling to keep or build intimacy and connection in their marriage:  

1. Date night
   Yes, we all thought of this already. But…are you DOING it? Are you putting it on your calendar, treating it like a real date (remember what getting ready for a date was like before you got married?!), and showing up to make the most of it? How often? Once/year? Once/month? Once/week?  
2. Weekly meetings
   This sounds formal, but it doesn’t have to be. This isn’t date night, this is something different. Once/week schedule a quick, UNINTERRUPTED meeting. Go over your schedule for the upcoming week (need any help with anything?), where you’re struggling right now, where you’re doing well right now, what goals you’re working on (and how), and how you can better support each other.
   
   If you haven’t been scheduling time to really connect on that level on a consistent basis, I think you’ll be surprised at how much opportunity exists for connection simply by TALKING to each other, and sharing your wins, loses, and dreams. 
3. Grow together
   Read or listen to a personal development book together (ok, not like you have actually sit there together, just read it in the same month), or, even better, go to a personal development event together! A shared commitment to individually being your best selves is extremely powerful. Reading those kinds of books (or going to those kinds of events) together leads to having discussions about how to be your best selves, which leads to a relationship where you support each other becoming your best selves. It’s Teamwork 101 and a very powerful bonding experience.
4. Try something NEW together
   Doing the same ol crap day after day after day gets boring for EVERYone! Try a new restaurant, try a cooking class, make new friends, buy a bike or skateboard and give it a go together! If you’re bored with your life…newsflash…you’re going to be a pretty BORING date! That's just the truth!
   
   Find something to get excited about, to laugh about, to experience for the first time, do it TOGETHER, and do it regularly! Suddenly there will be things to talk about again, inside jokes again, a desire to just hang out together again! Remember when it was ALWAYS like that, before things got so habitual?
5. Intentionally grow as a partner 
   Are you regularly making space to work on building a strong marriage and partnership? What do you have on your calendar dedicated to helping you continue to grow into the best partner you can be? Marriages aren’t “set it and forget it” things, but sometimes that’s how we treat them. Or at least, that's been my honest experience. By the time we get home from work, get dinner made and cleaned up, get the kids are in bed, and all the other chores done, sometimes it feels like there’s nothing left to give. Our partners don’t shout like our kids when they need or want our attention, affection, or energy. When we're pushing hard in so many other areas, it's easy to slip into just cohabitating. The urgent thing is rarely our spouse.
   
   Unless there's a fracture. Unless the relationship becomes strained and uncomfortable. Then it’s urgent. Then it gets our attention. 
   
   Like every other part of life, if you want something great, you’ve got to give it the time, energy, and attention. You've got to game plan, strategize, and show up. You’ve got to make connection and intimacy a priority. You’ve got to schedule relationship building activities, and space to learn how to be a better partner. Scheduling relationship building doesn’t sound sexy, but the real solutions rarely are.

What do you do to keep your marriage/relationship strong, connected and intimate?