Why confidence ISN'T the key to more income + freedom (and what is)

No beating around the bush here, let's just call it right out: You don’t need more confidence.

I know, I know. The whole world seems obsessed with confidence. More confidence = more money, more freedom, more success, they say, right?

But if that were true, you wouldn’t still feel stuck.

You’ve shown up. You’ve done the things. You’ve taken risks. Right?

Yes, of course, there are still things that scare you (there’s no such thing as fearless, but that’s a rant for another time). But you’ve had enough confidence to take lots of action… and nothing’s working, right?

So what gives?

Confidence isn’t your problem. Your old identity is.

Why “You’re so confident!” used to really piss me off

For most of my adult life, people have told me, “You’re so confident.” And you know what? That kinda pissed me off!

Not because I didn’t want to be seen that way, but because of what they were really saying. It never came up because someone just wanted to give me a compliment. It came up because they were implying that the reason I took bold action was because I had some magical quality they didn’t. I was just “lucky” enough to be “naturally confident,” and that’s why I could do things they couldn’t.

Screw that. Screw that whole narrative!

I wasn’t just “naturally confident,” I was sick with fear. All. The. Time. I didn’t take action because I felt confident, I took action even though I didn’t. I showed up anyway. I did what confident people do regardless of how I felt. Yes, even when everything in me was screaming at me to hide.

So when people "complimented" my confidence, it felt dismissive. It erased the fear I pushed through and completely overlooked the courage it took to show up scared. It implied I was given something they weren’t, when the reality was, I was just willing to do something they weren’t: show up—with and without confidence.  

And the most annoying part of all? Despite all that showing up, the results still weren’t coming. I had done the work. I had shown up consistently. I had taken the leaps that confident people take! But I kept hitting the same walls… or rather, the same ceilings.

The same income ceiling.
The same stuck feeling.
The same grind.

And then there was this: It seemed pretty obvious that while there were areas of life where I did feel confident, those areas were never the new things. Never things I was just learning to do. Never things I’d never done before.

The definition itself highlights the whole issue with believing confidence is the secret sauce for creating success:

con·fi·dence
/ˈkänfəd(ə)ns/
a feeling of self-assurance arising from one's appreciation of one's own abilities or qualities.

Do we feel sure of our abilities to do things we’ve done a thousand times, or things we’ve never done before?

Yeah. Option A. The familiar stuff.

So unless your goal is to create the exact income you’ve already created, live a lifestyle you’ve already lived, and build the exact level of freedom you’ve already experienced, why would you feel confident trying to create it?

🤷‍♀️ You wouldn’t.

So between supposedly having tons of it but very little of the results I wanted, and the definition itself making it somewhere between unlikely and impossible to have it when going for things you’ve never done before, it was pretty clear to me at that confidence wasn’t the missing piece.

So what was missing?

I needed to become a version of me for whom the results I wanted were inevitable, whether I felt confident or not in what I had to do to create them. I needed to focus on identity—not confidence.

Your inner critic: The security guard of your old identity

Let’s talk about that voice in your head. The one that whispers:

“I can’t post things like that, I’m not an expert! No one would listen to me, I don’t have a degree in that.”

“Why would anyone pay me for this when there are people who’ve been doing it longer?”

“I can’t charge money for that, people will think I’m/it's not worth it.”

Most people think:

• That voice means they lack confidence. Like, if I just believed in myself more, I wouldn’t hear this.
• That voice is telling them the truth—that it's giving them the inconvenient facts. 

Both are wrong.

That voice is your inner critic, and it’s using fear to control you. Think of your inner critic like your brain’s security system, an old version of you trying to keep you where things feel familiar.

Why does familiar matter?

Because your brain isn’t built to prioritize success, it’s built to prioritize safety, and to your brain, familiar = safe.

So when you start stretching into new territory, making bigger moves and bolder claims, and becoming more visible, your internal security guard freaks out. It pulls you back with doubts and hesitation, by telling you things it thinks you'll believe that will cause fear.

This doesn’t happen because you’re not confident or capable. It happens because a.) you have a brain, and b.) your brain knows that your identity doesn’t match your goal (yet). So your goal = unsafe (to your brain).

Confidence follows identity

Confidence is a byproduct of taking action, not a prerequisite. Think about the things you’ve done that once scared the hell out of you but now feel like no big deal. Maybe leading a meeting, selling, or talking to your now-spouse when they were just a stranger.

You didn’t start confident, but after doing it awhile, you became confident.

Building a business that changes your life, making a lot more money, being highly visible—those things work the same way. Your internal programming is still aligned with the version of you who hasn’t done it yet. The things you'd need to do to create those results aren't familiar, so that unfamiliarity triggers your inner critic to “protect” you from them. Make sense? 

So how do you build the identity of someone who has the life you want before you have it?!

Here’s how you start shifting this: Build familiarity with future You

The exercise I’m about to share with you isn’t about making you feel more confident. It’s about making the actions that lead to your next level so familiar that confidence becomes irrelevant. Because the version of you who already has the results you want doesn’t act because she’s confident—she acts because it’s just who she is.

That’s why success comes naturally to her. Not because she feels confident today, because it’s simply who she is. Do you see the difference?

Ok, now grab your journal and dig into these Qs:

✨ If I were already the version of me who had the income, freedom, and success I want, how would I think today?

✨ How would I feel today?

✨ How would I act/show up today?

✨ What steps would I take today?

✨ What decisions would I make?

✨ What would I start doing today?

✨ What would I stop doing today?

✨ What moves wouldn’t scare me anymore?

Once you have your thoughts and ideas on paper / in writing—and this is key—do one thing today that aligns with that version of you. And then again tomorrow. Put something on your calendar every single day.

It could be:

• Posting something bold you’ve been holding back.
• Creating the separate account for your future biz that you’ve been thinking about forever.
• Sending a pitch, raising your rates, or scheduling the meeting you’ve been dodging.
• Simply speaking about your vision to start a business and leave your 9-to-5.

The goal isn’t to fake confidence (Eww. We’ve all seen that). The goal is to make those next-level actions and behaviors familiar, because as they become familiar, your brain will stop flagging them as unsafe and signaling danger—even when the “danger” is just a bigger opportunity.

The goal is to rewire YOU, to program you to feel safe when you're doing the things that will bring your dreams to life. Because big dreams need bold moves! No… scratch that. Big dreams need bold YOU.

The real reason you’re stuck

It’s not strategy.
It’s not time.
And sorry, no—it’s not confidence.

You’re stuck because you’re still operating from an identity of a person you who hasn’t created what you want (yet).

Stop worrying so damn much about feeling confident (way overrated) and start becoming the version of you who’s living it—regardless of how you feel.

And the confidence will catch up. Promise.

If this hit home for you, let’s stay connected!

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