You’re Not the Only One Who Doesn’t Know: How to Trust Yourself and Stop Outsourcing Your Decisions

I’ve known the general direction I wanted to go in life for a very long time. Not every detail, but definitely the big-picture vision. The coaching business and brand that I have now has been my vision and desire for a loooooong time. The problem was, I wouldn’t (couldn't!) give myself permission to put myself in motion and GO there. I was so filled with doubt, fear, and limiting programming and beliefs, that it seemed impossible. It clouded my vision so much that I couldn't see the opportunities to bring it to life even when they were right in front of me.

Over time, I built up the idea that it wasn’t possible for me yet (always "not yet")...so I’d have to take a scenic route. I’d have to pursue all kinds of other avenues first, on the way to my bigger vision. Other industries. Other jobs. Other businesses. Other people. Other plans. Other places. OTHER shit! Not what I really wanted, not what my heart desired, not my calling.

Since my internal compass -- my inner guidance and knowing -- wasn’t allowed to lead my expedition, I needed a Plan B navigation system. Enter: OUTSOURCING. I’d read books, listen to successful people, look at the world around me, and pull ideas from there.

Outsourcing: to obtain from an outside or foreign supplier, in place of an internal source.

They think I’d be good at this, so I'll do it.

The book said you have to build the business like that, so I'll do it. 

She is absolutely killing it that way, so I'll do it that way, too.  

One example looked like this: My big vision and desire was (and has always been) to be in the personal development space, but when I found a 9-5 job at a real estate company, they thought I’d be a good Realtor. So, I became a Realtor. My vision was rewritten to include me building a business in the real estate space before getting into the space I actually wanted to be in. Because, you know, I wasn't ready yet anyway. 

It wasn’t one defining moment or choice, but rather a series of decisions and choices, where the external voices were given more merit than the internal one. I developed the habit of trusting anyone but myself. Even people that hadn’t built what I wanted to build, or created the level of success I wanted to create, were allowed to direct my moves. I had fully outsourced my decision-making, and thereby the creation of my path in life.

My vision started getting watered down, filled with everyone else’s visions, ideas, and directives. It’s not like the outside influences were forcing themselves on me. I had just become so used to habitually outsourcing, that I was soaking up and taking on every idea and bit of information I could find. Some were mentors or family members, but most were perfect strangers who didn’t know me – internet influencers, course creators, or authors.

My vision, my version of success, remained inaccessible while I was honoring everyone’s wisdom but my own. As long as I outsourced my decisions, I wasn’t able to go where I truly wanted to go. Outsourcing my guidance system took me down path after path, and each time I’d work incredibly hard to build something that I didn’t truly want. One day I’d wake up, frustrated and disheartened, feeling no closer to my ultimate vision, and abandon the path. I’d quit the job or business, bail on the people, start over somewhere else, and begin outsourcing my decisions in a new place. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. 

Does this pattern resonate with you? Making decisions based on what the world around you tells you to do, never trusting yourself enough to call the shots? Never believing you're capable of your real dream, so constantly crafting new ones to pursue instead? Getting so used to, and reliant on, outsourcing that you start to believe using everyone else’s guidance, rules, and direction is the correct way, and only way, to build your vision?

Here’s another example of what outsourcing looked like for me, that you might recognize. I’d read in lots of books that doing daily affirmations helps you feel more successful, making you more capable of creating the future-success you desired. So, I’d find list after list of other peoples suggested affirmations and read them daily. I’d spend my precious time and energy doing these damn affirmations, day after day.

Here’s what it helped me do: My subconscious rejected the things I was affirming as definitely NOT true, so it helped be build further belief that I was NOT the things I was saying. That’s right, daily affirmations helped me affirm I wasn’t who I wanted to be, and never would be. Super helpful.

Affirmations, as they’re generally prescribed, still aren’t for me, and today I couldn’t care less! I simply don’t use that tool. Just because “the experts” say they’re powerful and effective doesn’t mean that’s true for me and you. YES, try new things and experiment. AND, once you’ve done that, honor what your internal knowing tells you about those things. I hated doing affirmations, and knew they weren’t helping me grow. But the experts said…

Time to take your power back.

Truth: You have an internal knowing, wisdom that lives within you. You might be disconnected from it, but it’s not gone. As you listen for it, allow it, and honor it, it will get easier to tap into it, hear it, and trust it. Whenever you’re ready you can tune back in, and that wisdom will guide you toward your goals and dreams. Filter all external influence, guidance, or direction through it, take what serves and leave the rest. Insource.

Insourcing: the practice of using one’s own resources to accomplish a task

Want to know a secret? You’re not the only one who “doesn’t know.” There’s no club you didn’t get invited to, and no secret manual you didn’t get. The option to trust your internal knowing and insource your decisions isn’t just for people “who know,” because that list doesn’t have anyone on it. The people insourcing don’t know more than you, they just choose to trust themselves anyway. That’s an option.

In the tech age, we have access to more info at the touch of a button than fills entire libraries. We’re blessed in abundance with access to other people’s systems, strategies, and directions. We have the ability to learn from others mistakes, shortcut learning curves, and connect with experts. These are all good things. Understand that I’m not suggesting you shouldn’t take advantage of these available resources.

I’m saying you should filter those resources through your internal guidance system, and trust the conclusions you draw from that process.

There are a dozen reasons why a “great strategy” for them isn’t necessarily a great strategy for you. Maybe the strategy wasn’t actually good in the first place. Maybe it was good in the decade they suggested it, but it’s outdated or has become redundant. Maybe it suits their personality, interests, passions, skills, talents, background, region, resources, vision, or values…but not yours.

And, maybe it’s perfect for you. Insource the decision of whether or not that’s the case.

You know. And you have the authority to make the choice. You’ve just got to exercise it.