Why Am I So Scared to Do the Damn Thing? A Tool to Overcome Your Fear Why Am I So Scared to Do the Damn Thing? A Tool to Overcome Fear So You Can Go for Your Dream

FEAR. Fear of rejection. Fear of failure. Fear of success. Fear of being seen. Fear of speaking up, speaking out, or speaking…at all! Fear of looking stupid. Fear of judgement. Fear of getting it wrong. Fear of not getting it. Fear of losing it all.

Fear, fear, and more freaking fear!

Anyone else relate? I can trace almost 100% of the decisions I made, for a very long time, back to some kind of fear. For me, fear was always driving. I still stepped out and “went for it” sometimes, but it was always about fear; I was just more scared of what would happen if I didn’t try / if it stayed the same, than what would happen if I did. I was still living in a fog of thick, sticky, suffocating fear. 

Why does it feel so scary to step out and go for it, to go all in on creating the life we want to live? 

Well, because it’s supposed to, friend. Presumably you have a brain? If yes, it feels scary because unfamiliar things are supposed to feel scary to people who a.) have a brain, and b.) don’t want to die. The programs our internal computers are running are outdated, and the software can only be updated if we consciously choose to update it. No auto-download setting, so annoying, right? 😏

Our brains are designed and wired to keep us safe

Our brains equates familiarity to safety. Our default setting is to believe that what is familiar is safe. From an evolutionary perspective, staying safe (AKA not getting eaten by a tiger) was more valuable and important than personal growth, connecting with your purpose, or honoring your values. The modern day lives we lead no longer require hunting all day to survive, or evading death on the regular, and our use of time is wildly different. But our brains aren’t. Our brains still believe that what is familiar is safe, and the right choice. 

Concepts like alignment and fulfillment weren’t always the topic of discussion because they didn’t need to be. There wasn’t space for that. Way, way, way back, they weren’t scrolling IG to check out how everyone else decorated their caves, and then checking in with themselves on whether or not it supported their values to go kill something to eat, ya know? 

And even in more modern times, they still didn’t enjoy the level of efficiency we do today. The technology that surrounds and supports us has given us so much more convenience, which has in turn offered us so much more time to fill. We can talk about concepts like getting out of our comfort zones, fulfillment, and alignment now, because we have the luxury to do so.

And the truth is that the stakes are just wildly different now. Not stretching your comfort zone, or making decisions that are out of alignment for you, won’t kill you. That used to be the stakes. The wrong decision used to leave you dead. That’s not what’s at stake anymore, physically, practically.

But mentally and emotionally? 🤨

You decide. For me, hiding in the back of my comfort zone behind the biggest rock I could find, too fearful and intimidated to answer the callings on my heart and show up for what’s important to me might not equate to death, but it damn sure didn't feel like living! If that feels true for you too, and you want to boldly move in the direction of your dreams, get good at asking and answering this question, when you feel that all too familiar fear seep in and begin to take over:

Is this out of my comfort zone or out of alignment?

Comfort zone: a place or situation where one feels safe or at ease and without stress

Alignment: when our choices honor our vision and values

When you’re about to take an action that feels scary to you, the experience of it -- the feelings and sensations of fear, doubt, uncertainty, or hesitation -- will be about the same, regardless of the answer. It’s important to begin to discern which zone we’re stepping out of: comfort, or alignment.

If you’re stepping out of your comfort zone, while it may feel intensely uncomfortable, you’re stepping toward growth, and growth is a good thing. Growth is the only thing that can bring you from where you are today to the big vision you hold of the life you desire to be living. Growth is the train you need to be on to dock at the station in your vision. If the next move is out of your comfort zone but still aligned, lean in.

If you’re stepping out of alignment (making a choice that violates or doesn’t support your values), it may feel similar, but for different reasons. Some examples:

-when you told yourself to be quiet in the big meeting when you were dying to share your idea but too scared to speak up

-when you accepted the job offer without negotiating, even though it was well below the salary you were expecting and hoping for

-when you passed up the opportunity to lead a class or event that you know you’d be great at and would love to do, but couldn’t get past the fear

-when you agreed to have dinner with that long-time friend that does nothing but complain and gossip the entire evening, only because you felt like you “should” say yes

Here’s the big tell

Decisions that are out of alignment almost always come with a big, fat SHOULD or CAN’T. “I don’t want to do that, but I should…” OR, “I really want to do this, but I can’t…”

When you’re stepping out of alignment, you’re taking a step away from the life you desire to be living. Even good opportunities or offers can be out of alignment; Your vision and values are what determine the best choice for you, not the opportunity / offer.

And of course to answer the question you’ve got to be clear on what your vision and values even are. If you’re not clear on that piece, start there. (If you want a powerful tool for creating vision and identifying values, shoot me a DM on IG - @alirspicer - and ask for it, I’ve got you!) You can’t decide if you’re in alignment if you don’t know what you’re in (or out of) alignment with, you know?

Once you have clarity around your vision and values, you can begin to work through the fear in a more strategic way. You have a tool to support you in making decisions, and deciding when to lean in, and when to course correct. You can check in and pull out this tool 100 times/day, if it serves. Whenever you feel that fear, doubt, uncertainty, or angst creep in, ask yourself:

Is this out of my comfort zone or out of alignment?

Out of your comfort zone = it’s about growth, which can feel scary and hard (and a whole lot of other things). If it’s about growth, lean in.

Out of alignment = it’s your inner knowing sounding the alarm that what you’re considering isn’t right for you. Sometimes the uncomfortable feelings are about saying NO. (Remember “should” and “can’t”?) If it’s out of alignment, lean out. Back up, step away, course correct.

Give yourself grace as you practice what may be a new skill in discerning what’s about your comfort zone and what’s about alignment. It’s not a switch you flip on what was accidentally left off. It takes practice and walking it out to get good at it. Living out your big, beautiful vision is worth the effort, no?

You’re so capable. Forever cheering for you.