How Setting Boundaries Transformed My Life as a Career Mom

Do you want to feel less stressed and more fulfilled at the end of each day? The solution: BOUNDARIES.

📟 You CAN feel obligated to answer every text right when it comes in.

📱 You CAN take every phone call, the moment you hear the jingle, no matter where you are, who you’re with, or what you’re doing.

📧 You CAN answer every email when it comes arrives.

🎉 You CAN attend every party, event, or holiday gathering you’re invited to, whether you’ll enjoy it or not.

🥱 You CAN honor every request for your time that your family makes, no matter what else is on your plate.

You absolutely CAN do all of that.

AND, it will run you ragged. You will end every day feeling as if you’ve poured out a few more ounces than you had to give, but still not getting enough done. Does that sound or feel familiar? Do you feel like you’re operating at a frantic pace, a LOT of the time? The solution is boundaries.

When you lack boundaries, you feel overwhelmed and overworked, and rightly so. You feel those things, because they’re true! Failing to set boundaries mean you’re putting everyone around in control of you, your time, and your life. If other people turn up the treadmill pace and you are committed to staying on – NO MATTER WHAT – you’re going to end up sweaty, exhausted, and dreading the beginning of each new day.  

As long as you answer every alert and request the moment it comes in, you’re going to feel like you’re constantly behind…and you will be. If you continue to say yes to every request, including attending events you don’t want to go to, showing up in ways you don’t want show up, and committing to projects you don’t believe in, you’re going to feel spread. Too. THIN!

Does any of that ring a bell?

The alternative, then, is: setting boundaries.

What does that look like?

👨‍👧‍👦 👩‍👦‍👦 When you’re with your family, the work calls, texts and emails wait. How long? Until your next scheduled time to handle them. When you’re with your family, be WITH your family. Stop ALSO being with every single person that taps you on the virtual shoulder.

💻 When you’re working, the personal calls, texts and emails can wait. How long? Until your next scheduled time to handle them. When you’re at work, be WORKING. Stop ALSO handling every request from you kids, your partner, your cousin, and your sister-in-law.

📚 When you’re checking out to read a book for a few hours, stop also answering that one email from Martha, and the two from your boss, and the one from that potential new clients, “just real quick…”

🎈When you’re invited to an event of ANY kind, base your RSVP on whether or not you WANT to go. If you feel a sense of obligation, consider your relationship with the inviter; are they one of the VIPs in your life? Start saying NO to invitations that leave you feeling drained, pissed off, or exhausted.

👯 👯 👯 When you’ve had girl’s night on the calendar for weeks and your husband forgets and schedules something last minute, stop guilting yourself into canceling YOUR plans. (Of course you have to work together and there is give and take. The problem, the lack of boundary, is if it’s a habitual decision.)

There are SO many other examples! What happens if you’re BOTH working, but the kids are sick? Is it assumed that YOU will skip work? What happens when you get a work call at 7:00 AM (or whatever time is before you’re working hours)? This could go on and on. Boundaries, or lack-there-of, are all around us/ 

Here are 5 very REAL ways I set boundaries in my life:

1. DO NOT DISTURB – I cannot recommend this enough! My phone goes straight to voicemail before my working hours, and when I go to bed at night.

2. Charge in the other room – my phone (and all the social media alerts, texts, emails and potential stress that comes with it) are no longer invited to camp out in my room overnight. When I go to bed, so does my phone, in another room.

3. Weeknights are just a NO – sorry, not sorry, if your party/event/dinner/THING is on a weeknight, that’s an automatic no at our house, baring VERY rare / special circumstances

4. One day/week OFF | Family Day – we have one day/week where none of us work (chores included), and we just spend time together. If you make special memories together Monday, it’s a lot easier to head full steam into your other responsibilities on Tuesday, for example.  

5. Morning Routine – before I even GLANCE at my phone in the mornings, I have reviewed my goals, written down some things I’m grateful for, and a handful of other positive and powerful morning practices. You either set the tone for the day, or you let whatever breaking news / social media drama / work email that pops up do it. That’s not a chance I’m willing to take anymore.  

Today, I practice a WHOLE lot more than just these. In the beginning, when I first realized I was simply too “busy” to go on at that pace, boundaries were really intimidating. But I had to make a change, because I was always “multi-tasking,” usually overwhelmed, frequently exhausted, and largely unproductive.

Fast forward to today, and now I have a full-on love affair with saying NO guilt free! I finally realized that with each decision I make I am either I honoring my priorities OR honoring everyone else’s. I have two words for that understanding: LIFE CHANGING.

Here’s the best starting point: ANYWHERE you’re willing to START! Just commit. Go!

The better you get at setting boundaries (you’ll just have to trust me on this), the better OTHERS get at respecting them! You teach people how to teach you, so don’t blame the 6:00 AM caller, if you took the call. Don’t blame your drama-filled-friend Karen for sucking you into her issue in the middle of your work day if you keep responding. Don’t blame your husband for continually asking you to skip work for the sick kids if you never say no.

Boundaries may be JUST the missing piece of your puzzle, to start living your authentically happy, successful career mom life! 🙌

What are your challenges with boundaries? Where or how do you struggle with this? Drop me a line.